If You Want to Save Your Relationship, Be Willing to Be Vulnerable

Does your relationship feel like “groundhogs day?” If along these lines, you are presumably encountering ceaseless, dull discussions that make a horrendous, repetitve and harmful cycle without any arrangements in sight.

Discussions to make clearness as a rule prompt more disappointment with little expectation in sight. When you are in this place, it’s imperative to consider how you need to continue. Is couples treatment a choice? Will it be justified regardless of the exertion? Or, then again, would it be advisable for you to simply give the sparkles a chance to pass on and proceed onward? I’ve generally trusted that each genuine relationship encounters one stupendous, penultimate minute in which the couple has a decision: do you work through it and remain together, or have you finished whatever you can as a couple and it’s a great opportunity to go isolate ways.

Lets investigate the conceivable outcomes to give you some understanding into the distinctive streets you can go down and what they resemble.

Couples treatment is for the ones who will give their relationship a battling possibility.

Landing at the acknowledgment that it’s an ideal opportunity to get help for your relationship is not a simple one. While couple’s directing is ending up noticeably less and less unthinkable, seeing an advisor can appear to be emotional. You may not think your relationship warrants proficient offer assistance. Possibly you guarantee yourself that it’s “not that terrible.” But rather recollect there are master relationship advisors which is as it should be. It’s vital to realize that picking treatment is not an approach to get somebody on your side and persuade your accomplice you’re correct and they ought to hear you out. Or maybe the purpose of couple’s guiding is to better comprehend yourself and how you carry on in a relationship, while additionally adapting more about your accomplice. Through treatment, you two would address the connections and examples that have prompted the issues you confront and ideally search for answers for cure them.

Tolerating you require help can challenge when you are near the issue. Truth be told, when you’re amidst the issue, it can be hard to acknowledge there is an option, not to mention recognize what got you to this point in any case.

Of course, admitting that you don’t have all the
answers requires humility. Admitting that you don’t know how to move
things in a better direction will inevitably open the door to change.
Often, most couples get in the way of their own change – usually
unintentionally. So, if you (and your loved one) are willing to be
vulnerable, you will give your relationship a fighting chance.

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You have to be willing.

Couples
therapy only works when a couple is willing to be “raw and real.” Your
job is not to make the therapist think you’re a great
girlfriend/boyfriend, etc. but rather to be as honest as possible in a
safe space while a neutral party guides the conversation. Therapeutic
change requires an interest to make your internal conversation external.
Yes, your secret thoughts and inner conversation must be revealed.
Therapeutic
change happens when a couple is willing to leave the comfort zone. What
this means is embracing an openness to act in ways in your relationship
that are different that you know yourself to be. Many patterns can be
very hard-wired over time. Long-term change only happens when the “lens”
that you both use to see one another begins to shift.
In
couples therapy, weekly interventions and experiential activities can
begin the process of creating shifts. At first, the change may feel
awkward and uncomfortable because you are introducing behavior that is
new. It’s like beginning to go to the gym for the first time. Feeling
sore and having some aches and pains is normal. It means you are pushing
yourself. You are growing. All change requires discomfort. If you are
open to experiencing new ways of being in your relationship the
possibilities for change in couples therapy are endless. It all depends
on you (and your loved one).

Couples therapy is worth it when couples are willing to make changes.

Your
therapist doesn’t exist to “fix” your love. Your therapist cannot
promise that he/she will be able to solve your problems. But the
therapist can provide the opportunity to delve into issues without the
fear of starting a nasty fight. While it would be nice if there was a
magic fix to broken relationships, it just isn’t so. Couples therapy
requires much footwork, patience and determination.
Now,
this is not to ignore the reality that a couples expert should be
highly skilled in knowing how to create therapeutic change. Both during a
couples therapy session and outside the session there are countless
ways to help couples create change and positive shifts in their
relationship. The part that the therapist can’t control is the couple’s
willingness to invite change into their lives.
Just
like the gym example earlier, you can hire a personal trainer to help
you create the kind of body you like but you have to be willing to put
in the work. Many times, people ask for change and are simply not
willing to place the effort and energy forth required to create shifts.
You and your loved one have to want the change badly and be willing to
do whatever is necessary to introduce change into your relationship. Its
a process you engage in together and its critical that you work as
“one” in order to create deep, lasting change.
Couples
counselling can heal relationships through improved communication,
revitalizing emotional connection and renegotiating commitments to each
other. No relationship is ever going to be perfect, but counselling
creates the opportunity to find balance.1

Even if you really think it’s time to end the relationship, a counselor can help.

If
you (or your loved one) are not sure if you care enough about the
relationship to seek help, seeing a counselor can still help you have a
clean, healthy breakup. Though it may seem counter-intuitive to see a
counselor to help you end a relationship, the truth is
that healthy breakups are much more valuable than dramatic, toxic ones.
A counselor can help you evaluate what didn’t work in the relationship,
ultimately helping you find a relationship that will work in the
future. And if you aren’t sure if you want to break up or fight for your
love, a counselor can still be helpful in helping you to identify what
you need.

Make sure the therapist you choose intends to help you.

While
there are plenty of therapists out there who would be more than willing
to take your money and listen to you talk about your relationship
problems, you need to make sure your therapist has receives specific
training and is experienced in marital therapy. Make sure they have the
intention of helping you and your partner find solutions in an unbiased
way, rather than immediately jumping to assisting you in ending things.
You also need to feel supported, respected and comfortable with your
therapist. Sure, it may be awkward at first, but once that passes, you
need to feel like you’re with someone who cares.
Make
sure to set goals with your partner ahead of time. What is it you are
trying to accomplish? Don’t just go in and start venting. Make sure the
therapist knows what you are trying to work through. This will make
everyone’s life easier. The best way to find the right therapist is
often word of mouth. If any of your friends are in counseling with their
partner, ask them who they use and how they like them. Don’t worry,
everything is confidential, so no one will be spreading rumors.2

As
for cost, on average counselors charge between $75 and $150 an hour. It
is recommended to attend therapy for three months with one session per
week. If you feel like you can’t afford it, but you truly want a
specific counselor, call and ask if they offer any type of discounts.
The worst they can say is no.

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Updated: September 9, 2017 — 11:38 pm

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